Haaaappy New Year!!!!!....."hiccup"

Should olde acquaintance be forgot.... a missive to all I love and hold dear:

I have been a bit lame (not to be confused with lame with an accent ague...pronounced lamay...very different), not sending holiday cards etc...but I wanted to take this opportunity, whilst sitting on Rosamond's lap, to send all my love and sloppy smooches to you all. As I am sure you all do during the last moments of the year, I too am reflecting on a year well spent. I am far too drunk to get poetic, but please know...I love and adore you all.

All my love for 2007!
xoxo
Miss. C.

Proof that animals have emotions.

I hate to come back on the scene with a photo frome cute overload, but there was really no avoiding this.

I saw this pic a few days ago and truthfully thought nothing of it. "Oh, gee yet another photo of a dog chomping on a kitty's head.." UNTIL...I took a closer look a the wee kitteh watching the chompage.

If that is not the iron clad proof needed in the "Do Animals Have Complex Emotions?"case, then I don't know what is! Seriously, there is fear, shock, horror, and even sick fascination. I see pet therapy in that little fella's future.

x Miss.C

Home again, home again, jiggidy-jig.

Well here I be, one week home and already missing all my pals back in Canada's big TOe.
That said, it has been nice to hang with Rosamond again. Lord that woman falls apart when I am not around. The dishes...the laundry...and darling, video games are NOT a food group!

The gang in Toe are so awesome. It was such a revitalizing treat to be with people who love me and support my vices. No judgments. In fact, pedicures to celebrate the necessity of libations and frivolous shopping in our daily lives.

I would also like to bring to everyone's attention, that for all the bad mouthing we on the Wet Coast give those in On"scare"io, the LCBO is millennia ahead of BCLiquor...my dear friends...they have TASTING BARS IN THE STORES!
For $.50-$1.50 you can taste any two samples of booze. Now, here's the most AMAZING part...some of the choices include $130 Tequila, or $200 Scotch. So, one day you could try some lovely high-end Scotch, and the next day go and try one or two different wines, or champagne, or a martini...HELLO!?!? Why is this not a part of life in B.C.?
What are we Neanderthals?

AND...yes there is more...they have single serving tetra-packs of wine.



Le Petit Sommelier single serving Tetra Packs of merlot ( 3 x 250ml ) are seen here being enjoyed by yours truly and her darling Hambone. More inventions like this and the idea of being a soccer mom becomes increasingly enticing. Almost.

More on my week-long adventure in a mo.

x

Having a GREAT time in TO!!!

Don't you all wish you were having as much fun as me? To get a sense of the goodtimes being had, check out little buddy below.

That pretty much sums it up for me.
xo Miss.C

Let the good times roll...again...and again...

At Rosamond's request...

Last weekend was a treat. Simple, yet filled with fun and community. Rosamond walked into my parlour last night and said "Vy don't jou write about de nice veekend ve had?". All right sweetie, this one's for you.

Last Friday Rosie's darling daddy stayed over. He has recently moved to Powell River, but had a few errands to do in the city. Rosamond escaped the lesbians by 8pm and was able to join us at Earls for dinner. It was a real treat to be able to have a tasty meal with family on a Friday night.

Being in the medical profession Dr. Rosamond thought that a trip to Bodyworlds on Saturday morning would be a good idea.



Now, I have a rather weak constitution. I bumped my elbow the other day and had to take the afternoon off. So, as you can well imagine, the prospect of wandering about dead people before brunch was a little off putting. I am not religious by nature, but there is a fundamental understanding deep in my being that doing anything before brunch is sacrilegious, let alone perusing corpses.

This exhibition was the most amazing thing I have seen in a very long time. It was respectful, beautiful, inspiring, and wholly educational. Surprisingly, ol' Iron Gut Rosamond was a little overwhelmed and had to have a "sit down". I, on the other hand, was thoroughly engrossed. Emotions were varied, sad, happy, disgusted, enlightened...perhaps what I found the most overwhelming was seeing our organs in their pink and healthy state, sitting beside an abused toxic organ or a disease riddled organ that has shrivelled or swollen beyond all recognition. I skipped the mimosa's at brunch.

~

On Sunday Rosamond and I decided that psoriasis of the liver really wasn't that bad and took a drive out to the Westham Island Estate Vineyards.


It was a stunning drive out Ladner way, and an afternoon spent sipping delicious berry wines was the perfect compliment. We perhaps were a bit overzealous with the "free tasting", but I feel justified. They have over twenty-five flavours for christsakes! What's a woman to do!?!?

So now, completely trollied, us two old birds made our way home with just enough time to powder our noses before heading out to Bard on the Beach.

Many thanks to the Moniz de Sa's for a lovely evening. I had attended the opening of A Midsummer's Night Dream avec Mrs. Moniz de Sa, and had a wonderful time. Rosamond was in for a night of hilarity and theatrical frivolity. The Bard gang did not disappoint. Closing night was a wild ridiculous ride... Alan Zinyk comedic whore. Seriously. Out of control.

Too muckin' fuch.

Miss.C

mmmmm...bacon....

I am so sorry....but this pic had me screaming with delight and horror for over an hour.
I had to share.

Even if you look away for a moment, and then look back...
still hilarious!
xo

Some weekends are better than others.

Lytton, B.C.-consistently Canada's hottest spot.

Rosamond works very hard. Usually over 65 hours a week. In fact sometimes 80 or more. So imagine my thrill at an unexpected long weekend for us two old birds. (It's Rosamond's birthday on Monday.)
We made hasty preparations and headed out Friday afternoon. It has been a longtime plan of ours to drive Highway 99, north from Vancouver to Lillooet; then do the loop down Highway 12 through Lytton and home.

Friday night we stayed at The Pemberton Lodge. Unfortunately for Rosie there was a film crew staying at the lodge. She has a real film folk phobia. Poor thing.

Come morning we hit the road and made our way north. Not, of course, before having the most DELICIOUS breakfast at the Pony Espresso. I don't have a link, but if you are ever in Pemberton make every attempt to go to the Pony for at least one meal. Rosamond and I first went to this down home establishment in '01. It has since moved to new digs, but the food is still worth a trip to Pemberton.


Highway 99, also known as the Duffy Lake Road from Pemberton to Lillooet, is one of the more picturesque drives in B.C.


There are a few sketchy patches (re:recent landslides), but still an amazing and relaxing way to spend a weekend.

We stopped in Lilloet for refreshments, in Lytton to stretch our legs, and a number of "photo op stops" along the way.

Here are just a few pics. Enjoy.








We stayed Saturday night in Harrison Hot Springs. Never touched the springs mind, as it was "Cowboy Night" at The Old Settler Pub, so we settled in for some Surf and Turf and drank ourselves fizzy.

All in all, not a bad way to pass a weekend!
Miss.C.
(AKA: Lytton, B.C.)

3 Alarm Anniversary or Always Take the Booze With You

Believe it or not it was five years ago that ol' Rosamond and I met and became partners in crime. We have never really celebrated our long standing kinship, but thought that FIVE had a respectable enough ring to put a little effort into a night out. Now, as you well know, I never really need a reason to go out for a cheeky pint, but having a legitimate reason to get all gussied up adds a level of dignity to boozery I so rarely enjoy.

Rosamond has often spoken of a fine dining restaurant The Salmon House on the Hill, and recommended we go there to celebrate in style. Wonderful. Truly, I adore salmon and for years I have heard of The Salmon House's remarkable menu and ambiance.

Rosamond made reservations for 8pm, whilst I polished, primped, and thoroughly plucked in preparation for our BIG NIGHT OUT!

The drive to West Vancouver was a bit tiresome, as there was a forest fire in Stanley Park. We were delayed only slightly, and en route I happened to find a NIN CD in the back of Rosamond's Saturn Ion. It was going to be a very special night indeed!

The Salmon House was nice enough. However, it did feel a bit like a one stop west coast tourist stop. Tour busses, and well-to-do German and Japanese folk dining in a Coast Salish-y decorated restaurant. Not a local restaurant aiming at repeat customers. Still very nice, but not quite "fab" if you know what I mean. And the bread was a disappointment.

Well, to make a long story even better...we finally get down to our Mains. I take three bites of a lovely slow poached wild salmon and...the bleeding fire alarm goes off! Seriously! I look over at the kitchen, which is behind glass, and the entire room has been replaced with thick black smoke. There was a polite "What do we do?"moment which quietly passed across the restaurant, and then we all got up and made our way out doors.

Now many of you, to whom I have already told this story, have expressed greatest concern for the safety of my unfinished bottle of wine. Sadly, it was lost in the fire. I selflessly abandoned my carafe of Gerwurstraminer in order to help a lovely Japanese couple to the nearest EXIT. They were grateful. I was devastated. Adding salt to the wound was the profoundly French woman, with her bottle of Shiraz grasped confidently in one hand, glass in the other, exclaiming "Mon Dieu" as the flames rose higher and higher. She rather reminded me of Nero fiddling away while Rome burnt to the ground. She probably thought that this was the Symphony of Fire. I am not bitter.

Photo A

So, at around 11pm we were finally able to leave the parking lot. Oh did I forget to mention? Right. Well, we had decided to wait for the fire trucks to arrive so we didn't contribute to the mass exodus and block the fire trucks from arriving. Of course then we were stuck IN the parking lot because a fire hose (from one of the FIVE FIRE TRUCKS) was layling on the ground behind the car. As you can clearly see in Photo A.

Here's a better look at the excitement. Photo B.
Rosamond, looking pensive in Photo B, and I decided we were not going to be undone by a mere fire, and made our way down the mountain to the Cactus Club. Tried and True. With single malt at the ready. Happy and finally drunk...this anniversary will certainly not be forgotten.

Here's to many more Rosy my dear!
Love,
your Divine Miss. Creant

Filled with PRIDE

To all those GLBT folks (and friends and family of...) these photos are a mere sampling of the glorious PRIDE Parade in Vancouver. Props go out to provincial NDP leader Hedy Fry, who (tragically I didn't get a photo) strutted the entire length of the parade in purple sequins and stiletto cowboy boots! Bless her eh?


As always the parade was a wonderful celebration of acceptance, pride, and true humanity. Every year I get a bit misty when groups like PFLAG and BCPWA cha cha their way along, but this year I was also very moved by the corporate support. Starbucks, Home Depot, Air Canada, and every banking corporation all came out to support. And not just with their GLBT employees, but as a company...hetros and all.



Over the last few months I have met a number of American lads who have made a run for the border, heading to Vancouver to get married. I am not one to make soapbox speeches, but as Canadians we should wear our acceptance and humanity for others as a badge of honour. Not a grease stain on our mack jackets. Let's keep this vast land of ours open to possibilities, and not close anymore doors. Closets or otherwise.














Oh and seriously, is there anything more fabulous than being half cut, and felt up by S&M Drag Queen Nuns...before noon?

From mission control,
Miss.Creant

As an aside, that's my dear friend John being licked by the bearded nun (is there any other kind?). He is desperately awaiting his immigration status into Canada. I think we would be FOOLS not invite this upstanding young man into our country. It is my personal quest that dear John be more Canadian than poutine and back bacon before the day is spent...

Slobber and Poop

In the spirit of adventure I have gone out and begun volunteering at the BCSPCA.
The people there are fantastic, and the doggies are very sweet. The first dog I walked was Angel.

Now, I know what you are all thinking, especially those in the un-Pit-friendly Ontario, and I too was rather hesitant about wandering about with a Pitbull I had only just met. But let me say for the record, this dog is the sweetest lady you could hope to meet. Strong as a bloody Ox! But very sweet. She went a bit crazy wanting to "play" with some crows, but who can blame her? If I was in a kennel all day I'd want to run around and chase everything that moved too.

Tonight I walked Odie, who sadly I don't have a picture of, but if you imagine the biggest, dorkiest, STRONGEST, shepherd mix...that's dear Odie. However, here's a picture of my hand after our hour walk. Please note the Loonie sized blister on my palm. The BCSPCA co-ordinator asked me if my arms were any longer. I should measure too be sure!

After Odie, I decided to have a more relaxing go of it with Freddy. If anyone out there in Blogland has a bit of property, or likes to go for a good jog. Freddy is awesome! Very gentle, pretty good on a leash, and super smart. Why people have Border Collies in the city I will never understand. They are bred for herding. It is their raison d'etre. Freddy's greatest joy in life is to organize. Seriously such a Virgo! Sadly, if he can't get his sheep or ducks all in a row, he'll organize the neighbourhood cats, or the tires on moving cars. Silly, sweet little dude.

"bark"
Miss.C(anine)

Vroom Vroom Beep Beep

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce the newest member of the Miscreant family. The young...the super sexy...and entirely peppy.....SCARAAAAAAAAAAABEO!!!!

Yes folks...yours truly has entered into the world of Italian metropolitan chic. Keep off the sidewalks, I might be in your neighbourhood soon!

Miss. C.

Queer Eye for Beer Goggles

Last night I dreamt that Carson from Queer Eye was trying to strangle me. I was in a hammock on a beach in Thailand and he was force feeding me Special K cereal. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't get out of the hammock. It was hot and Carson smelled of mothballs and apple cider. Coincidently, it was Bellini night at The Cactus Club last night. Perhaps the peach schnapps didn't sit too well after all. C

the road less traveled

Little by little, one travels far.

J. R. R. Tolkien
British scholar & fantasy novelist (1892 - 1973)

I have just arrived home from a night at the pub. Yes, the pub. Contrary to what you might think, I love a pub night. The ambient sounds, the pitchers of beer proffered with whimsy, pull tabs, and melted cheese on corn chips. I believe that some of history's greatest moments would have spun their course very differently had they been conducted over a cheeky pint.

Mary and Joseph. Elvis and Priscilla. John and Jackie. Charles and Diana. How would the world be different if they had met at The Dirty Duck over a pint of Smithwick's? Seriously. Religion. History. Americanism. Royalty. It would all seem so different. Perhaps more flawed, or in some cases more real. At the very least more human. How uniting it would be to know that there had been a bit of slurred speech and a couple of guacamole stains involved in that perceived perfection.

We are all human after all. Fallible and gorgeous. Well, most of us anyway.

Spring has sprung...

32 went...it came and it went. It went surrounded by little fluffy lambies and a 20 day-old baby donkey! How fun is that!? Suuuper cute! Rosamond pulled herself together for an afternoon's outing to Maplewood Farms. It was a lovely day, and I wish you all could have been there.






32 is ok so far. Although, I nearly had a coronary when I realised that a dear friend of mine and I have been friends for TWENTY YEARS! This is shocking to me, as on most days I only feel twenty years old...in total! There is nothing else, aside from breathe, that I have done for twenty years.
Here's to the next twenty, friend.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Miss. C.

What the world needs now.

There are only a few more sleeps until I turn...ahem...32. No, not 23...32. It was, however, only last night that I was turning 23. My Champagne Birthday. Perhaps there needs to be a reverse Champagne Birthday. A Whiskey Birthday? A Wheat Ale Birthday? I suppose I'll figure it out on the day.

Rosamond has been hiding in her room for a week now. I threatened to call the police, and rat her out for suspected misuse of hydroponics...but she garumphed something about needing a personal "Time Out". That girl gets more and more odd...seriously a personal time out? Last I checked that was called "Two Firemen and a Twenty Sixer of Stoli Ohranj".

Perhaps she too is feeling the stress of my impending birthday. It will, no doubt, be difficult for many. I understand. I am there for all of you during this time of great stress, and anxiety.

There is a wonderful internet game I invite you all to play. In the Google search bar, write, in quotation marks, your name and the word needs. For example, "Miss. Creant needs". The highlighted phrase will be very enlightening. Apparently "Rosamond needs to overcome". I'm telling you it's better than Crossing Over with John Edward.

Peace out,

Miss.C

PS. Apparently...Divine needs...you.